Thursday, August 3, 2006

Ladies First

Remember back in the day? Back when Romance novels featured nurses, doctors, and the lavender-shaded post-marital fade to black?

No, wait, not that far back.

I meant, back in the late eighties - think Fabio covers - when Romance Novels featured sex, but the heroine was always a virgin, and the couple always had simultaneous orgasms from nothin' but good, old-fashioned penis-in-vagina sex. What bullshit.

Has anyone ever had a simultaneous orgasm? I mean, really? And if you say you did, and it was spiritually beautiful, and it brought you closer together as a couple, just shut up now because we know you're lying.

What got me thinking about the subject was that I read a textbyte by one of those "Wait Until Marriage" types. She said that waiting until marriage makes couples more likely to have simultaneous orgasms.

I wondered if she'd ever had an orgasm, to even say such a thing. The Mister and I came at the same time once, and my exact thoughts were, "Whew, I got that one in just in time." Because if you're talking no-toys-allowed, P-I-V sex, once he comes, it's over for a while, you know? And some of us girls do like our seconds and thirds.

That's why I'm rather glad most men, and most romance novels, are catching up to the "She Comes First" way of thinking. Some women lament the death of chivalry, but not me. I can open doors for myself, and pick up the check, too. A man whos' a cunning linguist, a man who'll bow like a gentleman and say, "After you," is way better than some fifties-era throwback with a hymen hang-up and the mistaken idea that there is a "right" kind of orgasm.

And forget about me spending $7+ of my hard-earned dinero to read about some martyr woman/alpha jackass couple who gain spiritual insight about twue wuv through getting their rocks off at the same instant. Bull Shit.

But, if there is no "right" kind of orgasm, I guess that means I ought to lay off the Simultaneous Orgasm Booster Club. So, if you did, and it was spiritually beautiful, and it brought you closer together as a couple, I owe you an apology. More power to you...suckers.